


Sisko's Big Mistake

by lilidelafield



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8849569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilidelafield/pseuds/lilidelafield
Summary: In a moment of stress and crisis, Captain Sisko makes a foolish mistake that could have potentially devastating consequences on a key member of his crew...unless he can somehow find a way to make amends...





	

Chief O'Brien dropped heavily onto the biobed and watched wearily as doctor Bashir finished treating a young crewman with torn ligaments after an accident on duty. The crewman was grinning sheepishly, and Bashir noticed and frowned.

"Crewman, this is the second time this week you have come here with the same injury." he said sternly. "Enthusiasm is a good thing, but temper it with good judgment. Next time you have to shift something that heavy, get someone to help you, or use antigravs. If I see you back here again through making the same mistake, I will have a word with your senior officer. Is that understood?"

The young crewman nodded contritely.

"Yes sir. I promise I'll be more careful sir."

"Alright, you can go. Take it easy on those muscles for a few hours."

"Aye sir. Thank you, sir."

The man glanced apprehensively at O'Brien; and receiving no acknowledgement from him, fled thankfully. O'Brien caught Bashir's eye and grinned.

"See Julian, you can put the fear of god into people when you want to."

Julian laughed.

"Do you realise how often that sort of thing happens with your people, Miles? I keep getting Ops crews in here with minor injuries related to eagerness and enthusiasm. I didn't realise you were so inspirational. It must be a gift you have."

Miles raised an eyebrow.

"Well, since I am his senior officer, do you want to make it official?"

Julian shook his head.

"No. All they usually need is swift treatment and a boot in the rear end, and they quickly learn the meaning of moderation. So, what's with you? You look beat."

"I've been crawling through conduits and climbing up and down service shafts all day looking for solium leaks."

"In that case I take it you're not here to offer me a game of racquetball?"

"Nope. I just enjoy watching you working. I get a kick out of knowing that your work schedule is as gruelling as mine."

Bashir nodded.

"And similar hours...when I'm lucky."

"What do you mean?"

Bashir let out a sigh as he perched himself on the biobed beside O'Brien.

"With all the starships passing here on their way to and from the front lines, you get all the repair work dropped on you, mostly because the most badly damaged starships have lost half their personnel and likely all of their equipment. Between you and your staff, yousomehow manage to meet demand. When these same ships come in, the medical systems are usually shot to pieces or badly losing power, many lacking any skilled medical personnel to treat the injuries. Every one of them comes in to me of course, but as the chief medical officer, I can't disappear off to bed when there are ships due in. Tarses and Girani know what they're doing, but I..."

O'Brien nodded. He understood completely, because he had the same thoughts himself, and frequently argued with Keiko about that very thing.

"You have to trust your officers" she would say, "...that's why you have assistants, because you can't be expected to be always on the job twenty-four hours a day every day."

And she was right of course, but O'Brien being O'Brien couldn't possibly relax and go to sleep when there was work still needing to be done...and no more could Bashir. In fact, for Bashir it was worse, because he was far and away the most experienced doctor in the sector, one of the best in the entire quadrant; and capable though the other two doctors were, they relied on Bashir more than anybody ever realised. Whenever they had difficulties during an operation, Bashir always knew exactly what had gone wrong, if anything, how to put it right, and how to show them all of this without making them feel foolish. They only had to call, and he was right there. O'Brien had lost count of the times recently, when he and Bashir had settled down for the evening for chess or darts or an excursion in one of the holosuites, and, having already worked fifteen hours in sickbay, Bashir had responded to a call for assistance by one of the other doctors. On top of

that, he was constantly besieged by armloads of paperwork, caused

by Starfleet regulations, and fellow doctors facing unfamiliar

diseases and injuries known to be quite commonplace by now to

doctor Bashir, wishing to confer with him.

Julian glanced sideways at his friend.

"So, racquetball is out, so is white-water rafting...whether you think so or not Miles! Alamo?"

Miles shook his head, echoing his friend's feelings exactly.

"Sunbathing!" he exclaimed. Julian's lips twitched in amusement.

"Are you serious?"

Miles nodded.

"Yeah! Somewhere warm...not too hot, sunny, warm grass..."

Julian gave a shout of laughter.

"No way Miles! Can you imagine the stories that would be going round the station when people see the two of us emerging from the holosuite covered in grass stains?"

Miles giggled. Perhaps Julian was right at that!

"Oh well, home sweet home then, and an early night."

Julian nodded.

"A not quite so early night Miles. Try and get some sleep."

Miles hopped down and headed for the door.

"You too Julian."

The next day found more ships coming in from the front lines with exhausted personnel seeking medical help, ship repairs, and desperately needed shore leave. Station personnel were kept busy for hours until finally, Miles and his repair crews saw the final repair completed, and the flood of patients to sickbay slowed from a stampede to a steady flow, then to a light trickle, and finally, just after midnight, the last patient was dismissed or declared out of danger.

Julian had been on the go since 0400, almost twenty hours, and

even his genetically enhanced constitution was beginning to feel

the pinch. He had managed to slip out for lunch with Garak at

midday, but had not even taken a bite when he was recalled to

sickbay. As he left the infirmary, rubbing his eyes wearily, Dax

came by. She glanced round at him, smiled almost nonchalantly,

and stopped when she saw his face. His eyes were bloodshot, and

dark circles under his eyes seemed to accentuate his prominent

cheekbones. He looked as if he had had very little sleep for days. Impulsively she touched his arm.

"Julian, are you alright?"

Julian nodded, smiling.

"Fit as a fiddle...you?"

Dax frowned.

"How many hours have you been doing lately, Julian?"

Julian shook his head.

"No more than anyone else, I'm sure. Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep. There should be no more emergencies tonight, and Girani is on duty until 1100 hours tomorrow, so maybe I'll be able to catch up a little."

Dax nodded, cautiously.

"I know what you doctors are like with the overworking and the undereating and undersleeping. You couldn't have had chance for breakfast this morning, with the Calypso coming in so early with all those casualties from Belonis IV, and then the Pegasus came in, followed by the Ulysses and then the Explorer. Did you get any lunch?"

Julian gave an off-handed nod, which put Dax on her guard

immediately.

"Oh yes, I met Garak for lunch as usual."

"You did huh?"

Julian nodded, and then laughed.

"Jadzia, don't you trust me?"

Jadzia looked him in the eye and replied, full of concern;

"Julian, just make sure you take care of yourself. We can't have you breaking down on us. Sisko's orders are for all personnel to take necessary breaks for rest and a meal."

"That's fine for the Chief's repair crews Dax, but I can't make a roomful of dying patients wait for me while I go and eat a meal can I? Don't worry. I'll get Quark to keep the medical teams supplied, okay? Can I go to bed now sir? Pretty please?"

Jadzia nodded, and Julian returned to his quarters, and fell

onto his bed, just as he was, and fell asleep immediately.With a brief lull the following morning, Sisko took the opportunity to call a meeting of all his senior staff. As they trouped into the briefing room at 0630 hours, he studied them all. He felt very proud of them. They all looked worn out, but still bright eyed and alert.

Worf of course, looked exactly as he always did. He betrayed no physical weaknesses at all, tiredness or anything else. The only difference was that his scowl seemed if anything, slightly deeper than usual.

Kira looked fresh and brisk. Looking at her, no one would guess that she had been up half the night working on shift rotations, trying to figure a way of getting all necessary work done without cutting out on vital R and R. Whether or not she had succeeded, Sisko was yet to find out.

Dax looked tired, but cheerful. She had been helping O'Brien in addition to her own duties because of his extra workload, but she was young and fit, and thoroughly enjoyed a challenge. Just like Dax's previous host, Jadzia thrived at times like this.

Odo. Odo too had been run off his feet, and his temper seemed quite as affable as usual. He did not feel weariness in the same way as `solids' did. If anything, he was somewhat...distracted. As if he was afraid that someone would be getting up to something while he was gone.

Miles and Julian came in together. Those two had had the worst of things, by far. They were rubbing their eyes and yawning in unison, but at the same time, were laughing at some amusing anecdote or other. Miles took his seat, yawned widely, making everyone else in the room want to yawn in sympathy, and said `good morning'. Reassured that Miles was coping fine, Sisko surreptitiously turned his attention to Bashir.

Bashir looked like a corpse. Sisko doubted whether Bashir had managed to get to bed at all in the last thirty-six hours. All the same, he too was coping fine. Sisko was aware of the huge influx of casualties to the infirmary that had forced the doctor to convert many of the vacant crew quarters into a makeshift hospital ward. Bashir had also contacted the Bajoran authorities and secured a number of Bajoran nurses to come to the station to help take care of the wounded, but all the same, he and the two other doctors had had very little sleep for over a week. None of them had managed to get more than three hours sleep at a time, and surely no more than ten or eleven hours in the entire week.

They had had occasional assistance from one or two of the passing

starship medical personnel, which had given the two junior doctors time for a quick break, but Bashir had been on the go almost constantly all week. Sisko knew that even Bashir would not be able to continue like this indefinitely, genetic enhancements or no. All the same, as Sisko studied the man, although he was physically exhausted, he seemed mentally stimulated. Perhaps twenty-four hours complete rest would be enough to make those dark circles disappear from around his eyes, and make him look human again.

Sisko took a deep breath.

"You have all worked incredibly hard this last week or so, with very little sleep and almost no R & R at all, and your work has remained excellent standard. I want to thank you for all your efforts. Starfleet have no estimate of quite how long this is likely to last, but they have offered us extra teams to help out."

There were a few nods around the table, but one or two doubtful faces. Sisko grinned, guessing what was in their minds.

"In two days, the Methusela is due to arrive with relief teams."

Dax frowned thoughtfully.

"Ben, isn't the Methusela a Velerian Starship?"

Sisko nodded.

"It attached itself to the fleet three weeks ago, after the Velerian people were officially admitted to the Federation. Those Velerian ships are huge...they have an average crew compliment of about three and a half thousand. Their technology is not compatible with our Cardassian systems any more than starfleet technology, but their people are very highly trained."

Bashir leaned forward, unconsciously rubbing one temple as he did so.

"I've seen the inside of a Velerian starship infirmary, and they are very advanced, spacious and very impressive. They have an average of twelve doctors on their ships at any one time, and at least twice that number of nurses. I remember the Velerians themselves were very proud of it all as a matter of fact. Despite their impressive knowledge and technology, I couldn't wait to get back to the Academy. The Velerians I met were rather too bigoted and self-righteous for my taste."

"Well, the Velerians have promised to remain docked here at the station for as long as we need them. They have promised us the full use of their ship's imfirmary...on one condition..."

Bashir raised an eyebrow, and Sisko looked him full in the eye.

"The Velerian Chief Medical Officer is to remain acting Chief Medical Officer whilst they are on the station."

Bashir looked stunned. He felt like he'd been kicked in the belly. The rumble of voices round the table made clear what the others thought of it too. O'Brien muttered angrily.

"Sounds like Julian was right about them. This Velerian doctor must have an ego to match the size of his ship!"

He turned enraged eyes on Sisko.

"Captain, they can't do that, send in people to help us out on the condition they are allowed to take over! We're starfleet officers, not sheep to follow blindly any pillock who..."

"Chief, that will do!"

O'Brien subsided into silence, but his hot anger was still just below the surface, ready to erupt if he let it. Sisko looked round at his crew. They all looked equally annoyed.

"Well, they have the staffing levels we need, and since they claim knowledge and experience far outreaching anything we have to offer, they have offered to send all their crewmen to help out ours, and all their department Chiefs to take over from ours until this crisis has passed. Those are their terms. They are not willing to work under our supervision."

Kira shook her head in wonder.

"They really are egotistical bigots aren't they! Captain, Why would people as condescending and self-righteous as they seem to be want to join the Federation? And how did they manage to get themselves accepted? I'd have thought they would better welcome allies as bigoted as they are. Let them join the Dominion if they are so much better than the rest of us! I say stuff their assistance! We've managed so far, we can keep on managing! I for one would rather trust Julian to look after me than any high and mighty Velerian."

Sisko looked round at the others. They were all nodding their agreement. Worf was scowling fiercely at the center of the table. Sisko turned to him last.

"What do you think, Mr Worf?"

Worf turned his scowl upon Sisko.

"The Klingon Empire once thought as the Velerians do, that they were above anyone else, especially humans, and some of the older veterans still hanker for those days. But my people have learned many valuable lessons from the Federation, and I think that eventually these Velerians will learn the same lesson. I hope they do not have to learn it in quite the hard way the Empire did. I have a different suggestion sir...The Velerians need to learn that they will not be allowed to dictate their own terms to the Federation wherever they go..."

Sisko grinned.

"Please."

"Wait until they are within a few hours of the station, and then contact their commanding officer with instructions for their crew when they arrive. Make it clear that they are welcome to offer any assistance they wish to, but their officers taking command of DS9 functions is out of the question. Any Velerian officer or crewman working on the station will consider themselves under the command of station personnel. The station personnel will do them same courtesy whilst on board their vessel. Also that the Velerian Captain will be under your orders whilst his ship remains in Bajoran space."

Sisko's grinned widened.

"I had something very like that in mind myself Mr Worf. The thing is...their arrogance is such that they are quite likely to turn their ship around when they learn of our refusal to accept their terms. It would mean us carrying on alone, as we are now. As the station's senior officers, you know your own capabilities, and those of your respective departments. It is a matter for you to decide. What do you say?"

He looked to Kira. She nodded her head.

"I say go with Mr Worf. I have already spoken to the Bajoran authorities, and they are standing by to send us extra pairs of hands in exchange for food and medical supplies."

Sisko nodded his agreement, and turned to Dax.

"What do you say old man?"

"I say not all Velerians are as arrogant as all that...but those that are stand to lose everything they've gained if they don't learn to ease up on the universe, so yes, go for it."

Sisko gave her a strange look, resolving secretly to ask her about her cryptic comment at a later time. One by one the senior staff declared that they would rather carry on as they had been doing, than to let others take over simply because they considered themselves better. Sisko nodded with satisfacion.

"Thank you people. Dismissed. Doctor Bashir, please wait for a few moments."

As the senior staff filed out, Julian waited behind until he and Sisko were alone in the room. Sisko's face took on a look of extreme concern.

"Doctor, most of the staff work in departments that can to a certain extent carry on without their direct supervision, so although we are all overworked, the rest of us have been able to get a few hours of sleep in between emergencies. How about you?"

Julian shrugged.

"Under normal circumstances sir, I would be happy to let Girani and Tarses carry on without me for a few hours, but when there are so many dying patients that I don't even have room to put more than a quarter of them in stasis, I cannot just leave them to it."

"When did you last sleep doctor?"

"I woke up when you called the crew to the meeting, sir."

"I see...and how long had you been asleep?"

Julian shook his head, trying to shrug the matter off as of noimportance, but Sisko would not be put off. Finally Julian sighed.

"Well, at least...forty-five minutes."

Sisko looked alarmed.

"Forty-five minutes? And before...this morning. How long ago did you last get sleep, and for how long?"

This time the pause was even longer.

"I had three hours sleep...five days ago sir. I've had the odd five minutes here and there in my office. When I'm not operating, I still have armloads of paperwork to do. Starfleet Medical will not let up on that, whatever the circumstances. I only have one pair of hands. Fortunately, being genetically enhanced, I need less sleep than the rest of you."

Sisko looked shocked and very dubious.

"That may be so Julian, but you don't need me to tell you how dangerous it is for you to stay awake so long. I imagine you have been using artificial methods to stay awake?"

Julian nodded.

"Yes, but only once, during a lengthy operation. The stimulants are powerful, but prolonged use has its own side- effects. I have never entirely trusted them. Captain, we are all short of sleep. This crisis will pass and then we can take all the rest we need. In the meantime, the staff shortage and lack of sufficient sleep is a problem that has plagued human doctors for centuries. It's nothing new sir. Believe me when I say that I am making sure my staff are getting the sleep they need, and I will be fine for now. Since we are still quiet Captain, perhaps I could...?"

Sisko nodded.

"Yes, you go and get some sleep while you can doctor. Goodnight!"

After ten minutes or so, Sisko enquired of the computer as to the doctor's whereabouts. The computer informed him that doctor Bashir was in his quarters. Happy for now, Sisko made his way down to the sickbay to see just how serious things really were down there.

Tarses was busy working a console beside a sleeping patient. Girani was asleep on a biobed at the far end of the room. Tarses looked up and grinned when the captain walked in. He looked weary but not especially sleepy. He nodded in response to Sisko's query.

"I had ten hours off duty sir, doctor Bashir insisted on it. I spent nine of the ten hours sleeping, the other hour eating. I feel pretty good on the whole. Girani's having a nap sir. She's been on duty for fifteen hours, but she had twelve hours off before that...interrupted only twice for routine accidents on the engineering decks. We had the assistance of three ships doctors for a few hours two days ago, which gave Girani and I time off, and just after midnight this morning, the Xanthus stopped by on their way to the Rekarian Belt, to shore up the Rekarian

defenses. As they were a full day ahead of schedule, they stopped by and lent us their entire medical staff for a few hours, which gave doctor Bashir chance to get his first wink of sleep in over a week."

Sisko raised an eyebrow.

"I happen to know that the doctor didn't go to bed at all. I believe he sat up for most of the night doing overdue paperwork. You are working with the doctor. Is he overdoing it...in your opinion?"

Tarses looked uncomfortable being asked questions of this type about his senior officer, but after an awkward pause, he shrugged uncertainly.

"If I had been working as hard as he has with as little sleep as he's had, I would be pretty much useless as a rag doll, never mind a surgeon. Doctor Bashir has enormous stamina. He's exhausted sir...don't believe him if he tells you otherwise, but he is hiding it better than I could. His mind is as sharp as ever, and his judgment unerring. He is fine for now, and he cares about his patients more than anything else. If he thinks for one second that his patients will suffer in any way... however slight, he will suspend himself from duty."

Sisko felt slightly guilty for checking up on the doctor, but Simon Tarses was as straight as a dye. If he had had any misgivings about Bashir's fitness for duty through his current exhaustion, he would have said so. Sisko himself however, did not quite trust Bashir's ability to judge his own fitness. He was genetically enhanced, and naturally, the fact gave him a great deal more stamina than most men. Bashir had never tested his own abilities to their fullest limits as yet, and as a human being, he still had limitations, enhanced or not.

Nine hours later, Bashir was awakened by the computer, informing him of the latest wave of casualties to arrive on the station. Hebounded up, feeling refreshed and invigorated.

Quite by chance, he learned that Sisko had checked up on him earlier in the day, and to his surprise, he found he was beside himself with indignation. He was very hurt too, at the thought that Sisko had felt unable to trust the word of his own Chief Medical Officer. Did Sisko really feel that he would endanger the lives of his patients by remaining on duty without full possession of his faculties? How could the man even conceive that he could be so irresponsible? He set about his work without his usual quirky good humour, and some eight hours later, when everything had calmed down somewhat, he made his way to Sisko's office, in Ops.

He found Sisko conferring with Dax and Kira, and he looked round as Bashir appeared on the turbolift. He noted that Bashir's colour was back to normal, and he looked very much his usual self ...almost. The doctor looked very grim. Sisko wondered what this latest bad news was.

"Doctor Bashir."

Dax and Kira nodded to him, and glanced at each otherapprehensively when Bashir simply ignored them and stared stonily

at the captain. Dax raised her eyebrow.

"He's angry..." she muttered, as they watched Bashir march into Sisko's office, Sisko following with raised eyebrows. For several minutes they saw Bashir pacing backwards and forwards, whilst Sisko sat behind his desk, talking earnestly. They watched, as Bashir stopped still, turned to face the captain, and they saw Sisko's jaw drop as Bashir talked. Sisko stood up, and this time it was obviously an attitude of pleading or cajoling. Bashir was listening at least, but finally shook his head. There was a final exchange of words, and Bashir left the office and headed for the turbolift looking, if anything, more upset than anything else. As Kira and Dax glanced back at the office, they saw Sisko sitting with his head in his hands.

"Dax what on earth could that have been about?" Kira muttered under her breath. Dax shook her head.

"Looks like we're about to find out. Here comes Ben."

Sisko came out of his office and stood for a moment on the deck glancing round at his crew. They were all agog, and doing their best not to show it. He walked over to Kira.

"Major, I would appreciate it if you would request Bajor for a temporary doctor to be assigned to the station until Starfleet are able to send us a replacement for Doctor Bashir."

He turned and was about to walk away, when Kira grabbed his

arm.

"Captain...a replacement for Julian? Why?"

Sisko looked her in the eye.

"Doctor Bashir has tendered his Starfleet resignation. He intends to leave the station when the Albatani departs in one hour."

In the deathly silence that followed, Sisko returned to his office, hearing every footstep echo behind him. He sat down, regarding his baseball balefully for a moment. When he looked up, Jadzia was stood beside his desk, staring down at him in concern.

"Ben, what happened? Why would Julian of all people resign? We all know how much his commission and his work means to him. We

all know how much he loves being on the station. Julian wouldn't

just leave without a good reason."

Sisko sighed. He nodded. Jadzia sat down. Sisko picked up his baseball and began to roll it around in his hands, as though seeking comfort from it somehow.

"I made a serious error of judgement, Dax. After the staff meeting this morning, I kept Julian back and asked him how he was doing. He's been working harder than the rest of us put together. In his case, if he doesn't, people could die."

Jadzia nodded.

"Well, he's been looking pretty awful lately, though he seemed as sharp as ever."

Sisko sighed.

"You thought he was sharp too eh? Perhaps I am having trouble remembering that he is genetically enhanced. I mean, they are just words. If he is quicker, how much quicker? If he has more stamina, how much more? If he needs less sleep than the rest of us, just how much does he need? How long is it safe for him to go before he starts being a danger to himself and everyone else around him?"

"So you asked him if he was still fit for duty?"

Sisko nodded.

"He assured me he was fine. He explained that he was making sure the medical staff were getting their necessary quota of rest and that he would be fine for a while yet."

Dax stared at him.

"But you didn't believe him?"

"Dax, the man had had no sleep for over five days, and he was claiming to be fine? He looked like death already. You saw the man."

Dax nodded.

"I've seen him looking worse than that...when we were down on Bajor that time, fighting that disease that was spreading through the camps? I know just about how far he can go before he starts to make himself sick...but even when his body is breaking down Ben, his brain just keeps on working. He doesn't lose his faculties at all...only his physical health when he is overworked and without sleep."

Sisko shuddered and buried his face in his hands.

"Benjamin...Bashir knows you were concerned about him and about his work...what did you say or do that prompted him to decide to leave the station? I have never seen him as angry as that before."

"I...questioned doctor Tarses about him...A stupid mistake.. I realise it now...too late."

Dax drew in her breath sharply. No wonder Julian had been so angry. To have his professional word doubted to the extent that a second opinion had been requested from his subordinate!? For a

moment, she felt her gall rising in Julian's defense, but swallowed it hurriedly. Sisko met her eyes, and she saw that he had noted her reaction.

"You're not going to let him do it are you Ben?"

He spread his hands out in a helpless gesture.

"How can I stop him? The damage is done. I tried to apologise, but he was having none of it."

"Can you blame him? As far as he's concerned, you don't trust him. An apology for a lack of trust is empty and worthless. You have to have complete and utter faith in your Chief Medical Officer. Julian knows that better than anyone. I don't want him to go. We need him here...but all the same, I agree with his decision. I couldn't stay here either, if I were in his shoes."

Dax stood up.

"I'm going to go and help him pack."

She left the room, feeling upset for her old friend as well as angry at him. Sisko was no more perfect than anyone else, and his intentions had been completely innocent. He had simply been expressing concern over a member of his crew. The slightly unwise way in which he had gone about it meant that Julian's authority as well as confidence in his competence had been gravely undermined.

She found Bashir in his quarters, stuffing all his belongings into a depressingly small hold-all. He looked up as she came in and dropped what he was was holding.

"Jadzia."

"Julian. Sisko told me what happened."

Julian nodded. He picked up his bundle of clothes again and stuffed them into the bag. He felt Jadzia's eyes on him and felt his cheeks start to glow. He looked up sharply.

"If you want to be useful, you can grab those books from the shelf over there."

Jadzia grabbed the books obediently and packed them neatly into

the case he gave her.

"So, you're going to just give it all up are you? Everything you worked so hard for? For what? Pride?"

Julian glared at her.

"Where will you go? To your family?"

He shook his head.

"Perhaps I'll visit the real Alamo."

Jadzia sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Julian be serious. You've said yourself. You belong here. This is where you want to be. You've become well loved and respected by everyone here, and well-known throughout starfleet for your medical research...you're going to give it all up because the Captain was too zealous in his concern for you?"

Julian finally lost it.

"Dax, you know damn well why I'm doing this! I know you do!

Of course I don't want to go. I love the station and I will miss all of you. I suppose you're right. There probably is an element of pride in my decision, but I can't work for a captain who will not accept my word when I give it. I know how much there is at stake when a doctor is over-tired, far better than Sisko does! I can understand why he did what he did...from his point of view. All very innocent I'm sure. If he had asked you about my capabilities, or the CMO from one of the ships passing through...or even a staff doctor from another vessel I would not

split hairs. The patients welfare comes first always. But if he cannot believe me when I give him my own medical opinion about my own state of health, and goes on to question my staff about my competence to do my job...well tell me Commander...what would you have done?"

Dax nodded.

"I would have been angry. Just like you. But I would not have blown up and resigned!"

Julian simmered down a little.

"Perhaps, but your job does not involve people's lives."

He crammed the last few objects into his bag and struggled with the straps. When they were tightly closed, he dumped then on the floor and looked up at her.

"I will miss you Jadzia. Worf is a lucky man."

She would not trust herself to speak. She simply hugged him.

When she had gone, he grabbed his bags and hoisted them onto his shoulder. On the way to the nearest turbolift, he tapped his commbadge.

"Bashir to Chief O'Brien."

The voice came back immediately.

"O'Brien here. What can I for for you Julian?"

"Please meet me at Upper pylon three in ten minutes. It is important."

"On my way."

The crew of the Albatani was boarding already. Bashir waited next to the airlock until Miles appeared a minute or so late.

"What's this...?" he paused in mid-sentence as he saw his friend's luggage on his shoulders, and the look on his face.

"Julian, what's this about? Where are you off to?"

Julian dropped his bags to the floor.

"I don't know. Earth first probably. I've resigned Miles. I'm leaving the station. I'm not coming back."

Miles looked dumbfounded. Finally he found his voice.

"Julian! No! Why? Julian stay and talk about it. Please! Why are you going? What's happened?"

Julian shook his head.

"Miles, I wanted to say goodbye to you. Please say goodbye to everyone else for me. Nerys and Odo and Quark and Morn and

everyone. If we talk about it, you'll try and change my mind, and

I can't. Ask Jadzia after I've gone. Goodbye Miles. I'll contact you."

Miles watched, as his best friend entered the airlock. The Albatani detached itself from the station, and moments later, had gone into warp. Julian Bashir, the best doctor he had ever known, and his very best friend...was gone.

When Miles appeared in ops, he was surprised at how crowded the

room was. The entire senior staff was there, including Odo. Only Bashir was conspicuous by his absence. They glanced round at him and nodded, but nobody seemed surprised to see him. The shock news about Doctor Bashir's sudden resignation and departure from the station had gone round like wildfire, leaving everyone stunned. Bashir could be a very irritating person at times, and often appeared to care about his work to the exclusion of all else; but he really cared about his patients, and about his colleagues. He was highly respected and well loved...by most of the station's inhabitants, anyway. Sisko came out of his office and stood outside the door, looking vaguely irritated, but also

uncomfortable at this demonstration from his staff.

"What's this all about people?" he demanded, knowing full well what the answer was. Miles raised his voice.

"I've just watched Julian leave in the Albatani, captain. He was with you before he packed his bags, according to the computer. Did you fire him?"

Sisko shook his head.

"Alright everyone. I'll say this once, and then I expect everyone to return to their duties. Julian has officially resigned from Starfleet and from this station. As Dax has pointed out to me, I made a single foolish error, but it's too late."

Miles shook his head.

"It's never too late Captain. It's only too late if you're prepared to give up and let him give up everything he's been working so hard for. Have you given up on him?"

"I have filed his resignation...in my head for the time being, not with Starfleet. As far as Starfleet Medical is concerned, Doctor Bashir is on Sabattical for the time being. Bajor is adequately seeing to our medical needs until Bashir's return.."

A murmur went round the room, like a breeze rustling through

trees.

O'Brien spoke again, this time in slightly softer tones.

"Are you going after him then, captain?"

Sisko narrowed his eyes, then made up his mind and nodded.

"Yes, and you're coming with me. We leave at 0600 hours."

Captain Sisko contacted the captain of the Albatani on subspace.

"Captain Voss? This is Sisko, on Deep Space Nine."

Captain Voss's smiling face appeared on the screen.

"Ben! Your people have done a bang up job on this old bucket. Thanks old friend! Your operations chief is one hell of an engineer. He really should be an officer, you know."

"Oh, O'Brien is one of the best alright. Listen Jack, you have my CMO on your ship...or should I say, my former CMO. How is he?"

Jack Voss's face fell slightly.

"Doctor Julian Bashir! That man will be a huge loss to the medical field, Ben. I don't know what happened between you back there, but the man is heartbroken. My CMO is upset that doctor Bashir has resigned, and tried to talk to him but to no avail. I tried to talk to him myself, but he wouldn't tell me a single thing. I suggested that transferring to a different posting might be less drastic than leaving Starfleet, but he's made up his mind. Whatever his problem is, he feels that a transfer will not solve anything. He has a dagger straight through his heart all right. I expected him to offer his services to our sickbay, but he won't go near the place. If you're calling me to try and get him to talk to you, I'd say you're wasting your time."

Sisko nodded.

"I guess what it boils down to is the fact that I offended his professional pride...As my chief medical officer I should have believed him when I asked him how he was coping, but I didn't. It never occurred to me that he might really be fine...so I sought a second opinion."

Voss frowned.

"I know how overworked you have all been there lately, so I can understand where you're coming from Ben. Why should that upset him so much? Is he really so touchy?"

"Well...its not the fact that I spoke to someone else about his competency...its the fact that I went to a member of his own medical staff...one of his junior doctors..."

"Aah!" Voss nodded. "Professional pride is the least of your worries Ben. And if I remember rightly, the man is genetically enhanced, which puts him a cut above the usual officer anyway doesn't it? You do have a problem."

Sisko sighed.

"Well...I want him back. More than that, my crew want him back. The people of Bajor are willing to supply me medical assistance, but only on the condition that I persuade doctor Bashir to come back. My being their emissary to the prophets... those wormhole aliens...changes nothing about the fact that the Bajorans have a profound respect for Bashir...even though he has no idea of it. He stopped an outbreak of a deadly virus in its tracks a few years ago that was rampaging through the camps. They feel safe knowing that Bashir is on the station ready to fight for them if they need it. If I don't get him to come back, I might have to leave myself or risk facing ostracism from my own people."

"Well, to be honest Ben, I doubt if any of those reasons will cut any ice with him. His problem is with you, personally. If you're going to get him to withdraw his resignation, you will have to make him believe that what you did was a genuine error of judgment, and not an example of your mistrust. I'll tell you what Ben. As soon as he asks me to drop him off somewhere, I'll let you know where. Right now we're headed to Earth to pick up extra crew and supplies, before we return to the front lines, but there is no way of knowing whether he intends to stay with us until we get to Earth, or if he intends to leave en route. Right now he doesn't appear to know himself where he's going or what he intends to do. I'll call you. Stay by the phone!"

With that ancient quip, he smiled and cut transmission. Sisko sat back in his chair, wondering where this would end up.

Julian Bashir stood by the window in his quarters on the Albatani, watching the galaxy passing by at warp. Some of the closer systems passing in a blur, but the farthest specks of light, barely moving. He would normally be at Quark's about now, playing darts with Miles. He frowned, and started to pace up and down, trying to sort out and control the conflicting emotions raging within him. He had never felt quite that way before. The anger he had felt scared him, horribly. He was genetically enhanced. A monster in his own mind still, even though he no longer had to hide it; and the reality of the thing was that he was a potential Khan if he allowed his emotions to rule his head.

He could take over this ship without any effort on his part...if he decided to...and that knowledge scared him so much, he found

himself biting his lip. The thing had got beyond Sisko and his mistrust now. Sisko had caused this unreasonable anger to come up, that he had found so difficult to control. How could he allow himself any position of authority ever again, knowing that he had such feelings inside of him, just waiting for the wrong insult to come at the wrong time?

He was a brilliant doctor. He knew he was, without any need for boasting. But that did not make him a brilliant human being. It did not mean that he was qualified to be in any position of authority, because even though he had controlled himself thus far, he was by no means certain that he would be able to do so in the future. What he needed was time. Time on his own, time to think about his future, his past, and what to do with his life now that he had completely thrown away everything that mattered to him.

Captain Benjamin Sisko, and Chief Miles O'Brien boarded the Defiant, with Jake Sisko on their heels. They were headed for Earth, and Jake was coming in order to visit his grandfather. The two Siskos settled into their cabin on the Defiant for the trip to Earth. It was a basic cabin for a ship of war. A narrow strip of room, with bunks built along one wall, and about two or three feet away, on the opposite wall, a computer screen and terminal, a replicator and wash-basin...all built cosily into the wall in order to better utilise valuable ship-space. Jake hoisted himself up to the top bunk, and lay there, hanging slightly over the edge watching his father splashing his face.

"Dad, do you think you're going to be able to get Doctor Bashir to come back home?"

His father turned, for a second the `I hope so' on the edge of his tongue, but it faltered when he saw his son's face. Jake had been through some tough times himself with the doctor, the time they answered a call for assistance from that hospital on the front lines a year or two back, that had been under heavy Klingon fire for days. Jake had learned some hard lessons then, and he had learned a great deal about Bashir too. He had grown to respect the man, far more than he could ever have done under normal circumstances. Jake was growing up. He shook his head.

"I don't know son." he said finally, "I hope so but...I doubt it somehow. Julian can be so damn stubborn when he wants to."

"Does he know you filed his resignation as a sabattical?"

"I haven't told him...but he's bound to find out sooner or later."

Jake rolled over and gazed up at the upper deck for a moment, but he seemed to be mulling over events. Something seemed to be troubling him. Finally, he voiced it.

"Dad...do you want him back on the station?"

Sisko was startled by the question, not least because of the depths of his son's knowledge of him.

"Of course! He's invaluable, and Dax and Kira and the rest of the senior staff are really upset at losing him."

Jake shook his head. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and looked his father in the eye.

"Dad, Kira and Dax and the others regard Doctor Bashir as a friend. If he had simply decided to move on in the normal way, they would have been upset, might have tried to change his mind, but in the end they would have accepted his decision. They're all upset because this came up out of the blue, thanks to you. They're hoping that a simple apology from you with a promise attached will make it all better. But you...you don't like him. You've never really liked Doctor Bashir very much and you'd be happy if he never came back. If you're not really sincere about wanting him back, how do you expect to persuade him?"

Sisko gave his son a cold hard stare.

"Jake, I don't dislike Julian...It's just that...I find him too...young. He is a fine officer, a brilliant young doctor...he just..."

"...talks too much?"

Sisko nodded.

"See! You see it too."

Jake frowned, shaking his head.

"But that's because he's a scientist. Scientists are all the same. Jadzia's the same when it comes to her favourite subjects, and yet you sit and listen to her with a silly lopsided grin. Doctor Bashir has a lot of different sides to him, and you need to spend time with him...like I did...like Mr O'Brien had to...like most of us have done at one time or another. Except you dad. You don't understand his personality. He puzzles you. If you knew him like the rest of us know him, this problem would never have happened."

Sisko did not reply. Jake raised an eyebrow.

"Dad?"

"Well?"

"You're scared of him aren't you? You're afraid of what he could do if he wanted to. You wanted him to be unfit, because it would have made him fallible."

Jake rolled over on his bunk and faced the wall, thus ending the conversation. Sisko watched his son for several moments, then crept silently from the room. 

He had frequently argued with Jake over all manner of things, and yet, where his work was concerned, Jake had never expressed an opinion or ever openly disagreed with him. This time was different. All around the ship, wherever his crew was, he could feel the silent criticism in all their eyes...and this time Jake was with them, against him. He tapped his commbadge.

"Computer, location of Chief O'Brien."

"Chief O'Brien is in his quarters." the computer informed him in tones that also seemed to contain subtle shades of disapproval. He shook his head, telling himself it was his imagination, and made his way to O'Brien's quarters. O'Brien opened the door and seemed very surprised to see his captain standing there.

"Hello Captain..." Miles said uncertainly. "You wanna come in sir?"

Sisko nodded.

"I wanted to talk to you in private. Your quarters seemed as good a place as any..."

Miles nodded.

"About Julian."

"Yes. Dax told you what happened?"

Miles nodded.

"Yes she did sir."

"And?"

"I can't blame the doctor for being so upset about it sir. We all have our own areas of expertise...and we hold our positions because we are good at what we do. Julian is one of the best sir, and he works as hard as anyone else. To be doubted by the man he admires the most is..."

"Wait...what was that you said? Bashir admires...? Me?"

Miles nodded.

"You didn't know sir?"

Sisko shook his head.

"I had no idea. Off the record Chief...I find Bashir very...difficult to talk to. Of course, we can work very closely together as starfleet officers, and he knows how to obey orders, but...off duty I can't seem to get inside the man."

Miles was shaking his head.

"Captain, no one says you have to. We are all different. Some of us get on much better than others. Julian and Worf don't get on for example. They rub each other up the wrong way all the time."

Sisko looked surprised.

"They don't? Because of Dax I suppose..."

Miles shook his head.

"No, not because of Dax. Well, partly maybe. Julian resents Worf a little bit because he is still in love with Jadzia himself. That's no secret. Worf resents Julian for the same reason. Also, being a big, brave Klingon, Worf is suspicious of doctors. Not just Julian...ALL doctors. I remember on the Enterprize, he suffered agony for days once, rather than go to see Doctor Crusher for medical assistance. On top of that, there are one or two personality traits in each of them that the other

finds totally incomprehensible."

Miles laughed.

"On duty, when they are thinking about their work, they can work as closely together as anyone. Off duty, their paths cross as infrequently as possible. When they do, they are polite and respectful to one another. What more is needed? Julian would still trust Worf with his life, and Worf would trust Julian. More than that, Worf

trusts Julian with Jadzia's life...and that means a great deal coming from a Klingon warrior. Julian knows that you and he don't always see eye to eye on personal matters, but it isn't really important is it? He was quite happy knowing that you respected and trusted him as the station's Chief Medical officer."

Sisko sighed.

"It doesn't help any to say so now, but I really did not intend to hurt him, and I do trust him. I've always trusted his professional judgment. Jake pointed out to me that I might be secretly afraid of him...of what he might be capable of. I can't deny that he may be right."

Miles frowned.

"Because of his genetic enhancements? Sir, if you don't mind my saying, you really need to spend some time alone with him. I mean a lot of time, like the rest of us have done. He's no different to the man who first came on board the station five years ago. I think Jake may be right. I suspect that your doubting Julian has made him start to doubt himself. If you aren't completely sure of him yourself when you see him, you'll never be able to help him. You'll never get him back. We might all lose him."

Sisko nodded sadly.

"Jake wants to visit his grandfather...I want to go see him myself for a day or two and get things straight in my head before I decide how to tackle Julian. My father is wiser than anyone else I know."

Miles grinned.

"I believe it captain. What do you want me to do?"

"Find Julian. If he hasn't already found out, tell him that he hasn't resigned, but that he is on sabattical, and he still has the choice of coming back with us if he wants to. Beyond that...it's up to you Chief. You know him better than I do. I'll contact you in a couple of days."

Miles smiled and took Sisko's proferred hand.

"Captain...we'll find him."

Sisko left, and Miles lay back on his bunk, thinking over all the things they had discussed, and the things they had left unsaid. Sisko had made a mistake...no problem, no one is perfect. But this mistake could have far-reaching consequences if Miles was right about Julian's state of mind. If he was no longer sure of himself, then he would be easier to provoke, easier to lose control of himself. He could even prove a danger to be feared. Miles, as Julian's closest friend was being trusted to find him, find the hole in his friend's confidence, and plug the leak. Somehow...Miles had an idea where he might find him...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
